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My colleagues are missing me, a spoof newsletter emailed out...

29 April 2007
KEY MEMBER OF PHARMOLOGY TEAM HURT IN FREAK CYCLING ACCIDENT
A senior manager within the Alliance Healthcare IT team has been badly injured in a mountain biking ‘incident’ that has not yet been clearly explained.
Bruce Reed, Manager of the Net Services and IA Teams was injured at the weekend when he should really have been sitting at home watching TV with his family. Early accounts of the accident, in which Bruce’s left wrist was badly broken, suggest he was trying to complete a 360˚ spin from the top of a high ramp when he lost control and, well, fell off! Another theory is that he swallowed a fly while shouting ‘Geronimo!’ during a spectacular descent down a near-vertical track causing his centre of balance to swing violently to the left and pitching him over the handlebars.
Apart from the broken wrist, which has required considerable treatment, including two operations, to repair, Bruce has sustained a nasty gash to his leg, assorted bruises and a severely dented pride. By a tremendous stroke of good fortune, he managed to avoid landing on his face, so we should all still recognise him when he returns to work. He is now home again after spending a few days in hospital where various pins and plates have been inserted into his wrist to help the bones set. Bruce, a highy experienced Risk Manager, said "I had weighed up the risk of the stunt, but felt it was still within my ability to complete safely".
An eye witness who took the picture shown here, at the point where rider and bike parted company, stated that there was no obvious damage to Bruce’s, very expensive, bike – phew, that’s all right then!
Commenting on the accident, Bruce’s colleagues agreed that he really is too old to continue with this hobby and urged him to take up water colour painting or sudoku when his wrist is healed enough to hold a paint brush or pen and apply sufficient pressure to cause marks to be made on paper. It was unanimously agreed that on his eventual return to the office, a small amount of friendly ribbing would occur but it is expected that Bruce (being a plain speaking Northerner) would take all this in his stride.
Bruce is likely to be off work for a couple of weeks but as he will not be able to drive (or, fortunately, ride a bicycle) for several more weeks. The local taxi companies are looking forward to increased profits, and Bruce’s colleagues are looking forward to several, unscheduled, trips to Bruce’s house!
Rumours that he will require assistance with many everyday activities are, thankfully, unfounded and many of his colleagues are said to be very relieved about that.
We all wish Bruce a speedy and full recovery from his injuries and hope it doesn’t hurt too much.